Or should that read ‘anything budgies jump’?

Hotel managers worldwide must be sighing at the latest viral on the great big wide interweb: Hotel Bed Jumping.

Meanwhile, mattress manufacturers will be thinking all their Christmases (or Eids or Hannukahs in the Middle East) have come at once.

On the one hand we’re told that we’re rearing the first generation of kids who will die before their parents, because of all the junk food we’re forcing down their throats. On the other, we’re told our kids will have to work till they’re 85 to pay for pensions. Which means we’re all destined to live till we’re about 150. God bless all statisticians.

Meanwhile, the backlash to Jamie’s campaign continues. But you’ve got to love it when he tells Tony Blair his plans sound wet, then walks out with a few hundred million quid for the cause. Or rather, the promise of a few hundred million quid.

“We hope you find these facilities delightful.” A nice sentiment, amicably displayed on the notice board. But where? Beatrix Potter Land? The rose garden surrounding some pretty market town’s community centre? No, the gents toilet at Stansted Airport.

I’m sorry, but you can’t describe a gent’s toilet as ‘delightful’. Satisfactory, yes. Even very satisfactory. But delightful? “Absolutely! And the smell of urine was quite exquisite.”

Who came up with ‘delightful’? I can see the airport’s Official Notices in the Bogs Wording Subcommittee sitting around the table, discussing what word to insert. “It needs to make our customers feel positive about the experience of going to the gents.” “Yes! And want to come back again!”

It’s the culture of spin: everything has to be so damned positive these days. When it comes to ‘The Message’, whether a notice in the gents, a humble product PR or a Government pronouncement, I prefer a bit of warts-and-all honesty. It has the benefit of making me think the rest of the message might be true, too.

Whatever, they need a new copywriter for the notices in the toilets at Stansted Airport.